My alarm went off at 525 AM one morning, and I pushed snooze, per usual. This is why I have another alarm set at 530, so I can definitely wake up.
But I didn’t want to wake up. I was so comfortable, the dogs were curled around me keeping me warm, and my body felt so heavy – I already knew without even moving that I was sore from my workout the day before.
I groaned as my second alarm went off. “I just want to sleep.”
“You just want to write.”
No, this didn’t come from an angel and devil having an argument on my shoulders, but it might as well have been – my mind the devil and my husband the angel. His simple statement got me out of bed so fast, he might as well have pushed me over the side.
Because it’s true. That’s my main goal in life – to write. To write books, blogs, articles, and everything in between. To write long-term, and the only way I’m going to get there is if I WRITE in the mornings, my only free time.
And my husband wants it for me almost as badly as I want it for myself. He’s not only supportive of my dreams, but he encourages and pushes me along the way.
I firmly believe that we are the ones who make things happen for ourselves no matter what other people around us say or do. But to have a partner to support, encourage, and push you to do it? I cannot express enough the difference it has made for me.
The journey to do anything is hard, and it’s even harder if your partner, the one you’re closest to and spend so much time with, is not supportive. To be met with constant opposition from this important person is hard. To have them fight you every step of the way, is hard.
I’ve been there. I know what it’s like to be with someone who not only doesn’t encourage you, but doesn’t support you at all – who wants to keep you down to make themselves feel better. I know what it’s like when that significant other doesn’t understand your dream, or why you dream at all. Who doesn’t understand why you work so hard and why you want more and the list goes on. For me, I didn’t feel like I could even be honest about my writing dream at all. I never felt comfortable enough to say it to them.
I know what it’s like to constantly have to justify your goals, your determination, your hard work.
For me, it would get to the point where I felt I was constantly justifying my mere existence.
Simply put – it was exhausting.
It was so exhausting it sometimes made me think it wasn’t not worth it, that it was not worth the guilt they made me feel over spending time and energy on myself instead of spending it all with them.
It takes an enormous amount of strength to push past that and do it anyway.
But to have my husband backing me the whole way, since the very beginning, has made such a big difference for me and my journey. He may not understand the writing world or romance novels. He doesn’t even like to read fiction for fun.
But he’s supportive and encouraging nonetheless because he gets dreaming big and knows that writing romance makes me happy. And at the end of the day, happiness is what matters.
When I wanted a change from a steady job with a promising career path, to go back to school for writing, he was immediately on board. He didn’t need an explanation – all he needed to know was that I was happy, which he saw on my face as I rambled about SEMO University’s awesome master’s program.
When I had to leave early in the morning for grad school classes and return late at night, day after day, week after week – it was draining and tough on both of us. I often had meltdowns because my classes were very time-consuming and so were my assistantships. I also commuted an hour and a half to campus and back.
All this meant I had less time throughout the week to see my husband, who was my boyfriend at that point. I hated not being able to spend time with him.
But he didn’t complain. No he didn’t like it anymore than I did, but he never made me feel like I had to choose between him or my dream.
Instead, he suggested I get an apartment close to campus to stay at during the week, and when I found one, he helped move my stuff in with confidence in our relationship. With confidence in me and my dream, so he helped make it easier for me accomplish it.
And he’s been beside me the whole way ever since, making sure I’m up in the morning to write. Believing in me. Reminding me why I do it when I’m tired and unmotivated and defeated.
And when that happens, he does anything he can to make things easier for me. Whether that’s doing the grocery shopping and cooking for us so I can have an extra hour to write or just relax my brain. Or driving us and sitting with me and my laptop in silence at Starbucks because I needed a change of scenery to get the words flowing.
He doesn’t stop at being supportive. No he takes it several steps further to offer his assistance, to be part of my journey and not only on the sidelines – he dreams with me.
He’s there for me to lean on when I feel insecure. He’s there to listen to all my fears and self-doubts, but he doesn’t let me give up. He pulls me up when I fall.
He’s the Ross to my Rachel.
The golfer to my caddie.
The hero to my love story.